Sometimes the hardest part of forgiving someone starts with forgiving yourself. When anger and resentment are busy gnawing away at your insides it is hard to get to the point of working on letting yourself forgive someone else. No matter how hard you give yourself pep talks about letting go and turning the other cheek, if there is bitterness in your heart the first step really is forgiving yourself for such feelings.

We are taught from infancy that we are not supposed to be bitter at those who have hurt us, most especially we are never to harbor ill will towards those who did their damage all unwittingly. Yet when trust is betrayed or our love or friendship is otherwise compromised we often act with a rejection of that person. What person doesn't remember having had a friend unwittingly 'spill the beans' on something which they had been told in confidence. Somehow it hurt even when they didn't know that they were supposed to be quiet. Or what about the person who thought they were doing you a favor but in reality they were causing you grief? Of course these were made all the worse by the fact that they were almost always close friends.

Depending upon personality and upbringing there seem two main ways of dealing with the issue. There will simply be a whitewashing of the whole subject, a pretending that it never happened or there will be a confrontation, however amicable, laying the transgression on the table. Either way the need for forgiveness of self plays a part. Especially when someone meant so very well, when you want to bludgeon them emotionally the way you felt beaten the shame can be all but unbearable. You may avoid the person for years rather than lie and claim there was no harm done. If a confrontation occurs though the personal guilt may still not go away. When the offender is exceptionally contrite it can make for even more guilt. A somewhat vicious cycle is then started. By similar token in such an instance the person who made the original mistake then has to forgive themselves.

Life would be much easier for some of us if we weren't our own worst critics.

-- Bambi D. Longcore